Three-Second Buddy Rush

Forming Friendships at Work

When I was going through Army training during college, one of my favorite drills was the Three-Second Buddy Rush.   In the drill, you and your buddy would fire at the enemy from concealed positions.  After you fire a few rounds, you would each shimmy a few feet to the side (never raise your head again from the same spot you were being fired at).  Then, while your buddy laid covering fire, you would jump up, run forward in a zigzag pattern and drop within three-seconds to a new position of concealment (after three seconds the enemy is pulling the trigger).  Then you would lay covering fire for your friend to do the same. 

I thought it was so cool that I taught it to my six-year-old brother Jason when he came to the college to visit for a weekend. 

The first key to success with buddies, especially under fire, is to know that you are true buddies.  That he or she would have your back at any time.  As important as that factor is (at least to me), when I went to boot camp the next year, we were randomly assigned buddies.  When I met mine, we shook hands and I asked a common question since we came from all over the country, “Where are you from?”

He replied quickly, boldly and loudly, “I’m from Georgia, God’s country!  Where are you from?”

“New Hampshire,” I simply responded, wondering if I should have added a state motto or some other form of boast.

He wasn’t happy.  “I got stuck with a damn Yankee,” he exclaimed, more to the whole platoon than in response to me.  We did not make the best of buddies.

In the many years since, I have read in numerous studies that having a friend at work can make all the difference in morale and retention.  But I knew this one guy, who would brag to co-workers that they were just his work friends, not real friends.  He would explain that whenever he or they would leave the job, that’s the end of the friendship.  If he really meant that, I think he missed the boat and an opportunity.

My last job in the Army was better because I had a friend in Jack.  My first job at FEMA HQs was so much better for having friends like Debbie, Alice, Darryl, Terry and more.  In the last job of my career, Mike and I became instant friends, but one day he left the agency.  I found new friends in Kelly, Jim, Rae, Jimmy, a different Mike, Nick, David, Amanda (well, more like a daughter) and more.  I was smart enough at the time to recognize and appreciate how much they meant to me.  I knew that during any meeting I could make eye contact with Jim across the table and know what he was thinking and that we could vent about it together later. 

Years ago, I worked at a copy-center. One day, Jeff asked Dennis about his Harley Davidson. At first, Dennis was excited to be asked and started to explain this trip he was going to take and more. But he noticed – and I witnessed – that Jeff’s eyes were glazed over and he was not paying attention. So, Dennis walked away confused and clearly annoyed. I asked Jeff why he brought up the topic if he wasn’t interested. He explained to me that he had read an article about asking your colleagues questions about their interests to establish a beneficial rapport. Jeff didn’t understand the concepts of rapport, sincerity and friendship.

In looking back on all of those experiences, I learned some truths about work and friendship.

• Forcing or faking friendships is just not the way to go.
• Denying and avoiding friendships in the workplace is probably even worse.
• The more friends you have, the more satisfaction you have.
• Making friends takes work.  It’s an investment.  It is a two-way street that pays dividends.
• Not all the friends that you think are your friends are real friends.
• When you leave a job, you get greater clarity on who is or isn’t your friend.
• Friends don’t need to call every day.  If a year goes by you pick up right where you left off. 
• With even one great friend, a job is no longer just a job.

Next time you are at work, take a look at who is in the foxhole with you.  Who would you trust in a three-second buddy rush?  And who could trust you?  Today is Feb 29, Leap Day.  Take a leap of faith.  Invest in friendships at work.  Find buddies.

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