Perfection is not Kind

Pobody is nerfect.   Let’s just start with that.  Nobody gives 110%.  Even 100% seems like a stretch.  You studied for 10 hours?  You could have gone 11 hours.  You eat incredibly nutritious meals every day?  You probably could have added a little more turmeric to one of those meals.   You won the football game 67-0?  But you still allowed the other team to gain 49 yards.   The scenario doesn’t matter.  We are simply not perfect.  That alone makes it silly for people to try.

Voltaire pointed out in the 18^th century that “perfect is the enemy of good,” which means insistence on perfection often prevents implementation of good improvements.  When you attempt perfection in one thing, several other things suffer.  That makes it more than silly; it makes it impractical.  Most rational people understand this, and we try to temper the perfectionists.   But I think it goes even deeper than that.  

The strive for perfection is not good for the soul. 

If you are on social media and you make an unsolicited correction to someone else’s grammar error, you take a step towards perfection of the language, but at what price?  The other person is embarrassed, shamed.  Your ego may temporarily inflate at their expense.  And what is gained? 

As a supervisor, you turn back a written plan for the fifth time for some happy-to-glad edits.  Have you ever stopped to imagine what innovative work could have been accomplished instead?  If three of those edits were never made, would it make the document unreadable?  And does anyone ever really read the plan after it is written anyway?

You lay in bed and can’t sleep at night because you replay everything that happened and what you could do better, followed by worrying about tomorrow and what may go wrong.  Wouldn’t a good night’s sleep be better than getting closer to perfect in all your activities?

We learn from our mistakes.  Or at least, we can learn from our mistakes.  It is typically agreed that people learn more from their mistakes than their successes.   But the perfectionist who dares less, risks less, tries less, is denied those opportunities for growth.  Following this logic to its natural conclusion, striving for perfection actually leads to less perfect long-term results.  

So, perfection is silly, impractical, limits growth, and is contrary to goals.  But the worst is still to come.

Perfection is not kind. 

I do not sing well.  Never have.  But it brings me joy.  So, when someone says, “don’t quit your day job,” or points at that my breathing or pitch are off, it impacts my self-esteem.  I don’t ever expect anyone to tell me I am a good singer.  I’m not advocating for those little lies.  But maybe others could celebrate my joy or courage or simply the act of having fun. 

When imposed on others it can be tiresome, shaming, and demoralizing. 

But I think the ones who suffer the most are actually the perfectionists.   For them, nothing is good enough.  They are not perfect enough.  They are not powerful or successful enough.  And that’s just not good for the soul. Perfectionists are not being kind to themselves.

So sure, I don’t sing well.  I am pretty awful at basketball.  I probably made a few grammatical errors in this narrative.  But I am going to keep singing, keep playing, and keep writing, not to become perfect, but rather to pursue peace and joy.

As we approach the holidays, I am thankful for my imperfections.  And my hopes and warm wishes for everyone else is to not worry if the Thanksgiving meal comes out perfect.  Try not to worry if you can’t find the perfect gifts to give.  The cookies do not have to be decorated perfectly.  The Christmas tree does not need to be decorated perfectly.  I wish you all love, peace, and joy.

In closing, a few years ago my daughters and I found this holiday sign.  There were about twenty in stock, and this is the only one that accidentally had one of the panels upside down.  We picked it on purpose and have never corrected it.  It has become our favorite decoration.