Cross Cultural Communications is a Shared Human Experience
I was born in Massachusetts, but my family history, home, and soul belong to New Hampshire. Having connections to both states, I always found it amusing when people assumed our Northern accents were the same. Nope.
I always enjoy sharing the differences. In MA, the classic example is that “park your car in Harvard Yard,” becomes, “pahk yah cah in Hahvud Yahd.” Ah, the disdain my Southern neighbors have for the letter “r.”
In NH, we are completely inconsistent with what we do with the letter “r.” The phrase, “yes, Linda, you can put your socks over there in the drawer,” becomes “Ayeh, Linder, ya can put ya socks over thay’r in the draw.”
But we get by. We share so much of the same culture.
My girlfriend (mi novia) is Puerto Rican. She is a true Boricua. I have been learning Spanish on Duolingo. One day, she heard me practicing my lesson and stopped dead in her tracks when she heard me repeat the phrase, “jugo de naranja,” for “orange juice.” She started laughing and made me promise never to say it that way whenever we are back in Puerto Rico. In Puerto Rico they call orange juice “jugo de china,” though it is not from China.
Fortunately, I don’t drink much orange juice, and I know how to say, “Una cerveza Medalla, por favor.”
She also taught me the difference between “Hispanic” and Latino.” Hispanic refers to a person with ancestry from a country whose primary language is Spanish. Latino and its variations refer to a person with origins from anywhere in Latin America (Mexico, South and Central America) and the Caribbean. I share that because so many of us gringos get that wrong.
Each of these examples deal with words, pronunciations, and definitions. But there is so much more to communicating across cultures than these. Speed is another example. Chilean Spanish is typically spoken much faster than Costa Rican. There’s more.
Often referred to as intercultural communication, cross-cultural communication is the study of how verbal and nonverbal communication takes place among individuals from different backgrounds, geographies, and cultures. At home and at work our lives are becoming wonderfully more diverse. In order to understand, respect, and interact with each other more effectively, we are well served to invest in the relationships.
A good place to start is with each other’s names. Psychologists will tell you that people like to hear their names. But not when they are mispronounced. I get it. Some names can be difficult to pronounce. That works both ways. All it takes is politely asking how the names is pronounced and, if necessary, practice. If we are not willing to do that much, we can’t pretend that we are committed to any kind of meaningful relationship.
There are so many cultural attributes to consider that I can’t capture and detail them all in depth here. They include dress, greetings, body language, eye contact, gender roles, personal space, food and entertaining traditions, age, attitudes toward authority, trust (thank Kjell) and so much more. Then multiply all of those times all the different cultures represented in our office or our town. Each of these attributes can transition from a barrier to a connection by demonstrating cultural respect (thanks ‘Manda). For instance, one way to show respect in Japan, China, and many other Asian countries is by bowing as a greeting to others. We may experience a kiss-greet in France. We can learn to not use our left hand for eating in Sri Lanka as well as other parts of the Middle East and parts of Africa. Collectively, cultural communication sounds like a monumental task.
But here is the easy solution – just try. Ask questions. Be curious. Be kind. Create harmony. Okay, that all sounds a bit generic to some. Let’s get more specific. Here are ten tips. I like having ten. It comes from the days of listening to David Letterman’s Top Ten List. Honestly, if I came up with nine or eleven, I would adjust to make it ten (that’s why pace and word choice are combined below).
Overcome ethnocentrism. At a minimum, ethnocentrism is a tendency to view other ethnic or cultural groups from the perspective of one’s own. At its worst, it is the belief in the inherent superiority of one’s own ethnic group or culture. We have always been a melting pot. Moreso today. This is the first step, and for some it is a giant leap. But it is also essential. Listen to the song We are the World if you need inspiration. There’s a choice we’re making.
Self-reflection. Be self-aware. Think of how you self-identify. Do you think of yourself as a Jewish White Man? An Asian-American Woman? A Native American Vegan? A Polyamorous Lesbian? A Cultural Muslim? Old? Just an American? Regardless how you answer that, you are the other culture to many. The Golden Rule comes into play, treat others the way you want to be treated.
Research. Years ago, I deployed to American Samoa to respond to a devastating tsunami and earthquake. On the plane I was researching their culture online. A Red Cross volunteer was sitting next to me. I learned that each of them was given a comprehensive packet to learn before arrival. She graciously shared it with me. I learned not to stand if elders are seated. Evening prayers are usually between 6pm and 7pm. Remove my shoes before entering a fale (home). And so much more. If 20% of our neighborhood is from India, we can learn about Diwali and other celebrations and customs. If many of our co-workers are Jewish, we can learn why Yom Kippur (not Chanukah) is the most holy day of the year (thanks, Dan). We can learn the difference between Eid al-Fitr and Eid al-Adha.
Seek feedback. Most people like to talk about their culture and appreciate our interest in them. Feedback can be as general as asking someone to share about their culture and as specific as asking how to pronounce their name. Invite others to correct you if you offend them culturally because that is not your intention.
Check your bias. We all have biases and prejudices. These can often be unconscious. There are quizzes we can take online. Ask people close to you what they think if you are not sure. A great way to overcome prejudices is to develop more cross-group friendships. I have known some active-duty Army soldiers who used to look down on their Army National Guard counterparts, until they spent time with them. If 80% of our hires are from one gender or one race, we likely need to address our biases.
In-depth conversations. I have become an LGBTIQA+ advocate and champion. It didn’t happen overnight. I sat down with individuals in the community and had long conversations. I admitted what I did not know or understand. I grew more from those interactions than I ever could have by just reading a book. This is an opportunity for a shared human experience. It can help us overcome our biases. As my friend Raju (thanks) shared with me, we can “also recognize and value commonalities that transcend cultures such as emotional bonding, nurturing children, respect for and taking care of elders, rituals, etc.”
Control pace and word choice. This helps with every culture. If you talk too fast, some will not be able to keep up. If you talk too slowly, you will lose others to distraction. Watch out for slang or words that may not resonate. I have used some links within this editorial where I thought a reference or topic might benefit some readers with the additional context. Remember, what may seem small to you, may feel vastly different to others. It is not offensive in the United Kingdom to ask for a fag (cigarette), but elsewhere, it can certainly cause alarm (thanks ‘Manda). Even words within similar cultures can disrupt communications. During my emergency management career, many of our colleagues would refer to the daily schedule as the “battle rhythm.” In time, we learned that many employees did not understand the reference, and some were also offended to the juxtaposition of a war term in helping survivors. We changed it to “operational tempo,” or “optempo.” In hindsight, I guess we could have just called it the daily schedule. A quick tangent here – I predict that some who read this will think pejoratively that this is just “political correctness,” or “woke” language. I would debate you on that. I was in the Army. I used “battle rhythm” for years. But words change meaning when they confuse, alienate, or offend others. Humanity is more important than vernacular.
Cultural Awareness. Cultural awareness is one of the most in-demand soft skills today. And skills can be improved. Develop a sensitivity to the verbal and nonverbal cues of people around you. Expand your tolerance, knowledge, and compassion of different cultures. You can make a positive difference in your community and work environment. Critical subcomponents here include politics (thank Kjell) and religion. Say the wrong thing at the wrong time to the wrong person and you risk creating a permanent barrier.
Take classes and training. Often your organization will offer these. They should. You can request it. There are also several free cross cultural communication classes and courses online. You will gain much more than a certificate.
Create or join a diversity group. The more time you spend with people from other cultures, talking about different cultures, and addressing gaps and opportunities, the more aware you will become. It’s a beautiful thing.
I invited a few people from cultures different than mine to review this editorial before I published. I incorporated their very helpful edits, with gratitude and respect. I especially want to thank Javier, who encouraged and inspired me to write this editorial.
Curiosity. Kindness. Harmony.
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Stoneking Strategic Communications (SSC) 