A Stand-up Comedy Act
Opening
Here’s the thing. Most comedy is just tragedy…
with a two-drink minimum and the table next to you interrupting the comedian.
Maybe comedians should interrupt the audience. Would that be a tragedy?
I think most people are like my sister, Brenda.
She laughs because she’s drunk.
She laughs a lot.
Drunk funny is not like sober funny.
Sober funny is more like…
How did the lawyer become sober? He passed the bar!
Right? That joke is its own tragedy.
We need tequila just to forget we heard it.
I warned you, sober funny is rough.
All these types of comedy water down the jokes.
I mean, it’s not like they are philodendrons
you can’t just leave them in a dark room and expect them to thrive.
So let’s take them down one at a time. Comedy genres: it’s time to bully the bullies.
Improv
People spend years crafting movies, books, opera…
but improv asks: “What if we didn’t prepare at all — and charged money anyway?”
We hire a babysitter, put on real pants, spend $14 on a lemon drop martini…
just to watch Steve — a bagger at Giant Foods during the day,
become a detective who brings a raccoon into the interrogation room.
They always ask for suggestions — because they have none.
We need an occupation!
Audience: Accountant!
Great. Numbers. Fun. Next time choose ‘dragon cowboy astronaut’ — even a trained comedian can’t make accountants funny”
Improv is like a trust fall where nobody catches you.
Or worse — they catch you… and keep improvising.
Slapstick
Slapstick is basically masochism on a stage.
It’s the only genre where the plot is:
He fell down.
BOING!
WHACK!
Comedy’s over.
If I want to watch people obviously fake tripping and falling,
All I need to do is grab a Budweiser and flip to pay-per-view to watch a WWE cage match
At least they have cool names and costumes.
Introducing Andre the Giant Accountant! He will audit your face.
You ever notice you laugh… and then you immediately feel guilty?
“I shouldn’t laugh… but the accountant DID fall down the stairs…”
…and they DID push him for messing up their refund.
Imagine that in real life:
Your friend slips on ice,
faceplants, teeth everywhere—
and you’re like,
“HAHA! Classic comedy!”
Suddenly you’re the villain in CSI.
Dark Comedy
Dark comedy is for people who say:
“I’d love to escape war and death by watching… more war and death!”
“Tax me with trauma while I giggle, please!”
Please make horrible things funny. Okay.
My wife ran off with my best friend last year… I still miss him.
You ever see Fargo? They called that dark comedy.
If you laughed during the wood chipper scene —
I’m calling the police and your HOA. …I don’t want to be neighbors with anyone who laughs
while Gary from sales becomes mulch.
This kind of humor isn’t new — humans have been terrible for centuries.
A guy named Jonathan Swift wrote A Modest Proposal —
“Times are tough? Potato famine? Just eat the babies!”
Solves hunger and daycare. Boom.
Economists were like, “…go on…”
You’re laughing, but you’re also questioning life. You leave thinking:
Okay, maybe the sour cream and chives were a bit much, but people were starving
You’re disgusted —but also Googling: “Is baby keto?”
Self-Deprecating Comedy
Self-deprecating comedians don’t need applause.
They need therapy.
They don’t need a mic —
they need someone to tell them, “Your dad was wrong.”
They are fishing for compliments. And we are the worms.
Hey honey, what do you want to do tonight?
Let’s go listen to a guy tell us he’s so ugly even his imaginary girlfriend left him.
And then we walk out at that very second.
Self-deprecation is the only comedy genre
where the audience is bullied into being the hype man.
“No, you’re handsome!”
“You can kiss someone!”
“Please stop crying, sir.”
Rom-Com
Rom-coms are emotional terrorism. They weaponize love.
If you’re in love?
Go home and be gross.
If you’re single…
every rom-com is just a hate crime with kisses.
And the guy always chases the girl through an airport —
Try that in real life and TSA will tase you.
In movies: romantic gesture.
In real life: you’re on a watchlist.
And it’s always the same movie:
Workaholic woman from New York returns to her tiny hometown,
runs into her ex who now wears only plaid,
they hate each other for 40 minutes because… reasons…
but then she finds out he volunteers at an orphanage
AND he still has the glitter-glued macaroni heart she made him in 2nd grade.
Boom. True Love. Roll credits.
High Comedy
It is like a pyramid scheme. The smartest people in the room wipe away their giggles into elegant, embroidered handkerchiefs. While the rest of us wonder how many times we can sneak out to the lobby for some more stale popcorn and a refill of Sprite to see how many times we can burp.
It is culture war. I have seen funnier political protests. Did you see that sign that said, “You know things are bad when the introverts arrive” – Now that’s funny!
Then you hear the guy next to you declare to his wife, “Ah yes, the incongruity of Caesar ordering a martini in a modern bar, along with the Latin grammar in the plural is simply divine.”
Then you turn to your wife and whisper, “Did you change the kitty litter?”
Sitcoms
Sitcoms taught me one thing: Laughter isn’t real anymore. It’s Pavlov.
They hit that laugh track button and suddenly we’re like:
“Oh yeah — HAHAHAHAHA!”
Someone could literally say: “I dropped my spoon.” laugh track erupts.
— and the audience explodes like it’s the funniest thing since fire.
We’re not laughing because it’s funny…
We’re laughing because the machine told us to.
We’re like trained seals but without the talent or the fish.
And sitcoms used to be wholesome:
Father Knows Best, Leave It to Beaver, Happy Days.
A little mischief, a hug, and roll credits.
Now? Welcome to comedy:
Hell, cancer, and poop.
The Good Place — actually a bad place.
The Big C — “She’s dying! But she’s sassy!”
South Park — tiny children yelling profanity and having long, thoughtful monologues about poop.
These aren’t sitcoms…
they’re tragedies with merch.
“Hey honey, want to laugh tonight?”
“Well, we’ve got:
hell,
cancer,
or poop.”
Okay… poop is a little bit funny.
Roasts
Roasts are great if you love watching friendships end in real time.
If I wanted to watch people insult each other, I’d go to Uncle Joe’s house
during a Philadelphia Eagles game.
You walk in and he’s already trash-talking the nacho cheese.
“That’s right — melt, you coward!”
He once roasted the TV so hard it turned itself off.
Family comes over for Thanksgiving?
We leave with emotional leftovers.
Now that’s a roast! And we haven’t even got to the Turkey yet.
By the way, Uncle Joe is a cannibal accountant —
he charges an arm and a leg!
Stand-Up
And finally… stand-up comedy.
Let me tell you about stand-up…
these folks are—
Wait.
Stand-up?
Stand-up comedians are basically firefighters
if firefighters also complained about dating apps for seven minutes
Stand-ups are warriors.
They face hecklers, heartbreak,
and the front row guy picking his nose in front of his girlfriend
No notes.
Absolute perfection.
These people are national treasures.
Heroes.
Angels.
Humble, too.
And narcissistic.
But mostly humble.
Conclusion
Alright — enough talking about comedy.
Time to do comedy.
This is gonna be great.
I have an amazing knock-knock joke.
You’re gonna lose your minds.
Say: “Knock knock.”
Audience: “Knock knock!”
Who’s there? Don’t worry. I will help you out – Interrupting comedian.
Audience: Interrupting comedian who?
THIS. IS. ART!!!
“And yes…
that accountant did die…
falling down the stairs.”
Walk off.
Stoneking Strategic Communications (SSC) 